Swimming Endlessly

I’m sure we’ve all had these moments where it seems like you’re just stuck in an oblivion, waiting for something to materialize and make sense. Instead, it’s more like dread. Dread of everything happening and collapsing around you because you know damn well that when September comes everything will change. Your fate will be decided once the clock strikes midnight and either you’ll be doing what you want, or you’ll be stuck behind and have to put life on pause for a minute trying to figure it all out. For me, it’s a mixture of messes and lost expectations. Starting with graduate school and ending with a boy.

I still don’t know whether or not I will be attending the University of Michigan in the fall and orientation is supposed to be held within the next few weeks.

I felt something for someone for the first time in a long time. He wrote me off and tried to give me excuses. And to be honest I feel empty. I don’t like the feeling of putting myself out there just for it to come crashing back in my face.

Long story short. Depression might return, anxiety is slowly creeping back. Cynical Renee may also be back.

I joined Chaarg. I’m running miles in the morning before 8am. I need to  start yoga and daily meditation. I’m hoping that Chaarg will keep my mind straight and my soul intact. I need them know a little more than I had intentionally planned; maybe that’s the magic of Chaarg.