April Showers; yada, yada, yada etc.

New Month, New Theme!

Lately I’ve been having a hard time figuring out which theme to give the month of April. For me, it’s kind of a dull and boring month. Aside from my undergraduate graduation happening in April last year, it’s really not a big month for me personally.

Currently I had no achieved March’s goal for the month , however I will be doing that this coming Monday. The whole getting paid not every other week for my main job is really frustrating sometimes but I will still reach of goal for the month. I know it’s an easy month but getting a passport is a big step for not just traveling personally, but if I choose to do study abroad, (which I TOTALLY WILL), then it’ll push me in not only personal growth but with my education and professionally as well.

While I have not officially announced to the world of people I know, I am accepting Case Western’s offer, and I fully plan on attending in August. The timing is too perfect. My lease ends in July, I’ll have to move anyway and orientation is in the middle of August and classes will start up soon after that. Everything fell together too perfectly for me to not go.

That being said I think I need to edit my future themes for the upcoming months.
March: Apply/obtain passport (currently completing on 4/4-darn pay periods.
April: Tattoo; talk with tattoo artist and by the end of the month have a date/outline on myself.
May: Travel somewhere. Probably in the US so it’s cheaper and I can still save for Case, but traveling is a must, either east coast or west coast or maybe Florida, who knows. Ya girl needs some sunshine.
June: One last drive up to Alpena and over to Kalamazoo during the summer at least. I’ll think of something better soon.
July:WORK AS MUCH AS I CAN AND SAVE AS MUCH AS I CAN FOR SCHOOL
August: Start a new life in Cleveland, Ohio for Case Western Reserve University’s graduate program

 

AND THAT IS MY LIFE FOR THE NEXT FIVE MONTHS. It’s terrifying, like I’m legitimately scared a bit of starting something so new to me and different.

Fingers crossed I’ll survive the long haul!

Two Roads.

It’s possible that life might be going in a positive direction and I don’t know if I should take it or not.

I was accepted to the graduate program for social work at Case Western Reserve University. I WAS ACCEPTED TO A TOP TEN SCHOOL.

And the best part — I COULD GET A DUAL DEGREE IN SOCIAL WORK AND NON PROFIT MANAGEMENT. THAT’S TWO MASTER’S DEGREES IN LITTLE MORE THAN THE NORMAL TIME IT WOULD TAKE.

And I can study abroad to places like POLAND, or INDIA, or the NETHERLANDS!

CRAZY.

I wasn’t freaking out until everyone I had mentioned it to did for me. Literally, everyone who I tell gets way more excited than I am and it didn’t hit me until visiting the campus today.

Yes. I was accepted on March 16th to MSASS and three days later I made it work to visit the campus for an open house and gain so much information about the school. This week has made me realize how quickly things fall into place. Everyone at the agency had told me that now is the time to make it happen and to go do what I need to do to make it work.

Granted, finding a house or roommate would be the most challenging. And I can’t dick around with spending anymore. I will be getting my shit together.

Mostly because I have to make a decision by April 15th.

Theme Update: Fresh February

Since I was inspired to complete 12 fresh goals for the 12 months of 2016, it is time for a little update on my life.

January Goals and successes.

New job as an administrative assistant: Interviewed on 1/4, Met staff and offered job on 1/11, First day 1/18. Told the country club that I would only like to work Banquets for the time being and I’m still at the teen center but only on Friday nights.

RunCHAARG: Was a success and logged 40/30 bolts with Stephanie. It’s one of the first Chaarg events that I’ve completed and I felt sooo good after doing so.

February Update:
BOUGHT A UKULELE: I bought a ukulele on the last day of January and it arrive ON THE THIRD! Literally 4 days after. It came with a case, and I bought two year insurance with it and a wall mount for when I decide to hang it up after playing instead of the case. So far I have already learned chords but the transitioning between them is a little shaky sometimes. First songs to learn: Tally Hall’s Just Apathy, Mumford and Sons Little Lion Man, and other popular songs. SO EXCITED TO BEGIN A NEW MUSICAL JOURNEY.

Spring Break Fit Plan has begun and we are a full week finished. And I have yet to nail down a routine so while I haven’t been fitting in the gym time as I would have liked, it hasn’t stopped me from eating healthier and trying to be happier. It’s been a challenge. Some of the thoughts about myself hasn’t been that positive but I’m trying really hard to change that. It’s difficult and I do not feel worth it sometimes. But I can’t let that bother me, Chaarg has my back and I should start communicating how I feel but it’s hard because there are so many better things to have others worry about.

New Faces: As Elisabeth explained her goals for 2016, one was to make a new friend for every month. Recently I have been trying that. Not necessarily making a brand new friend, but getting to know the people around me. And it’s been something else. The first one, has been a coworker from the country club. I met him around May of last year and he’s been every bit of a flirt that I have been trying to avoid. He is however, quite charismatic, intelligent, and has similar taste in music as I do. He is good conversation and very fun to be around for understanding Grey’s and liking Trivia nights at the local bar as I do. He can talk to anyone which is something that shakes me up because I used to do the same. His confidence mirrors something in me that I find very familiar and I’m not quite sure what it is, but he himself is familiar. And I’m not just saying this because we’ve had sex together, I felt this before that. The feeling that somehow we’ve met before and I can continue conversation with him.  A friend in which some people have not anticipated me being with and people are surprised. People are probably talking, but let them talk. What they say is not a direct reflection on me, and I shouldn’t worry about it. For now, he is someone I can rely on, at least for the time being.

 

Unfortunately I have not heard back from any graduate programs yet, but OSU is due on March First so I will be tackling that one very soon. Fingers crossed.

 

That is it in my world! My most important February goal is to be more current on here. No one is listening to me ramblings of a post grad yet, but one day. And this isn’t for others, this is for me; although more than willing to share.

Goodbye for now, Happy Galentine’s Day and have a better tomorrow!

Themes

Every year I hold a bit of a theme, that it’s going to be the best year yet. Since every year I am changing more into the person I believe I am meant to be, I decided to change how I view this year’s theme. My name makes it a little easier.

 

2016: The year of; Refresh. Reenergize. Refocus. Renee.

 

Yes, I am taking this year seriously to find what I lost. The year to let go of things beyond me but most importantly the year I find what excites me and makes me passionate again.

 

Considering today I’ve already been to the gym, got my coffee fix in and powered up with a smoothie also, then cooked breakfast? I think I’m off to a great start. (Picture/recipe of my delicious avocado dish coming up too!)

 

Happy New Year, now lets shake it up. ❤️

What it’s like to NOT go to a popular University

Graduating from a university that’s just down the street from a Big 10 school has it’s advantages and disadvantages.

  1. We get asked upon choosing the university whether or not we realize that our football team sucks, as though we play the sport for money.
  2. We get told often that our school is like a war zone due to the high crime rate and that one awful incident that happened years prior to our acknowledgement of the university existing.
  3. Plus, if we go out somewhere and we get asked where we go to school, when answering we hear the same response from others, “*scoff* Oh.. You went/go to (insert University which will remain nameless for now)…?”
  4. We don’t have the crazy big alumni association, because very rarely do our alumni give back or support their undergraduate alma mater.
  5. Hazing. End of story and end of Greek Life.

It’s pretty much like we can never get a break from others due to the stereotypical pull that our university has.

But that last point. That last one, is so stereotypical it makes graduating a nightmare. So I’ll tell you the truth about being a graduate of a smaller university.

  1. While our alumni association is quite small, whenever you find someone who knows anything about your school, you tend to think higher of them and enjoy their company more. (Example; Someone mentioned my alma mater winning their most recent football game and mentioned it because I was wearing school attire at work; he knew the score and that we won without me mentioning it. He gets some points for that!)
  2. When you attend said football games, you feel such a close kinship with others because you are all there with the common goal to root for the underdog in the game. Yeah, we may not be good, but it’s still fun to cheer for the team from a place where you called home or 3-5 years of your life.
  3. When someone starts the conversation with, “Oh.. You went/go to (insert University which will remain nameless for now)…?”, you can respond with actual facts that matter of the university. We may not be great at football, but we are number one undergraduate school for Nursing, Education, Aviation, and Social Work? Or that we have won that Mac in Swimming and Diving, Track and Field, and numerous other sports more often than we have not? That we are literally better in all other sports besides the glorified football? That we have held the highest number of incoming freshmen for the university the past four years in a row among it’s history of admissions?
  4. That we have officers on duty who care about this university, that hold classes for self defense on campus, that we are improving safety standards on and off campus.
  5. Our Greek Life has social policies in place that prevent hazing on campus, that prevent alcohol at rush events, that require volunteer hours of greek orgs, and structure/open recruitments for sororities and open recruitment for fraternities, while each greek org having standards for their members that they act upon? Not your typical partying greek orgs, but orgs with values and morals.

Sure, we are not a big name university and to the rest of the state we never will be with all the negativity and flak that we receive, but I enjoyed my time at Eastern Michigan because I made it the experience I wanted. Regardless of what people told me, this school was home, and home is what connects me to the students there currently and the alumnae association. It was home, because I didn’t go to a big school, because we are unique. It’s the little victories that make it home.

Wake me up when September ends…

I write to express what I cannot say. I write because I cannot speak the words that I feel. I write to feel what my body will not allow.

Devasted and crushed, are wonderful adjectives to describe how my life has turned at this point, turned on a dime and spat in my face. I used to laugh at others in the face about things like this, I didn’t understand, but I cannot comprehend the feelings that I am having at this current moment in time. No. I dare not speak of how my soul is broken, and how everything that I could have obtained at this point is no longer able to achieve. I am broken, and unsure of myself, and I have no clue what I am going to do next. Again; I am lost.

I am not going to Michigan for graduate school and it breaks my heart. I have not cried this hard over something in such a long time. I have not felt this hurt about anything that I can remember. I cannot say these words aloud to anyone or I will start crying in front of them and I can’t have that. I can’t do it. Even now, this is entirely too difficult.

My roommate has now seen me cry, the others watched me get stupid drunk to where I wanted to forget the day ever happened. But getting drunk hadn’t changed anything, calling up someone to have sex with so I could forget about my future didn’t help me feel better. Maybe at the time, but certainly not now and not forever. If I utter the words, I was not accepted for graduate school, I tear up, I bite my lip, and I inhale sharply because just saying these words hurts like someone is stabbing me in the gut and twisting the knife so sharply that my heart is turned to mush.

What’s worse is looking for a career but everything requiring a Master’s level degree…

September is not my month. Maybe this isn’t meant to be my year, no matter how foolishly I believed it was back in January when I was drunk and in love with New Year’s.